Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
