I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
