If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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