my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
