Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
