True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
