I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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