I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
