too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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