She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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