your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
