we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
