I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
