I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
