i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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