Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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