I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
