Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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