my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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