My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
