Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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