i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
