when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
