So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
