You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
