It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
