some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
