I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wow bdsm is so cute
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
