well he's currently spooning the coffee table
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
