we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
