I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
