Your mouth is God's brothel.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
