You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
