I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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