You smell like stripper and shame
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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