he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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