I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
