Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
