At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
