just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
