would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
