hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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