so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
