also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
