We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
