he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
