His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
