the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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