mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
