bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He has the fingertips of a God
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