Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
